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phobia
Nov 27, 2023
i am beginning to be convinced that i fear love. what other reason would i possibly have for turning away when i catch myself staring for too long? i admire and long and pine and i try and fail to stop myself from doing so. i want to much to care openly and fearlessly and sometimes i think i do, but other times i feel my claws sink into my heart's bedposts, arms spread wide to hold everything in. if i did not fear love then surely i would feel deserving of what i am given? surely i would not be moved to tears by my first experience of every small good thing? i have waited my entire life for a sliver of kindness that i never expected to recieve and it shocks me to my core when i find it looking for me. it is a rainy day and the thing i fear the most stands in the distance, waiting on my acceptance. i am terrified and i run into it with open arms.
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