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    incompetent

    you are something i can never become. in less time you have lived somehow more, become more, created more. you are more than i have ever been and that thought shakes me to my core, shreds my skin to expose my inner weakness. there is nothing but blood and bone inside, would you look different? if i took a knife to your skin would i find songs that you claimed before i had even had the choice? i suppose this is why you are favored- you are everything people expected me to become. i fell short of it years ago and now i am scrambling to catch up but there are no rocks left to hold; i climb and slip. i lost my chance the moment you surpassed me, before we met, and now i am left sitting in the shadows as you recieve the love and opportunity i once thought i deserved. how is it that we are so similar and so different? why does everybody only see me as second to you in passions that belonged to me first? you barely know me, because i now live in fear that you will realize that i am the lesser version of you, that you recieve credit for discovering what i have known all this time. am i holding myself back or is it the cicrumstances i was born into- set on a fated path of eternal failure. i am unsure whether it is fair of me to dislike you for this, but i have never been as good of a person as you, so hate swells inside me until i am consumed with thoughts of incompetence. maybe if i disappear i will finally gain the attention i so desperately crave- because if i die then that is an experience you cannot do better, you cannot join me there, you cannot claim anything of mine. my life is lived in the shadows of others.

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